He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was born a porn star she said
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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