She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
