i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
