i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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