FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
