you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
