I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
