I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
