i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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