i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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