She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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