if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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