she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
