I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Life is so much better after having sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
