that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
