i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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