I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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