Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
