Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
