I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
