sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
