Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
