Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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