worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
