when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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