Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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