Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
