I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
