does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
