Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
