I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Randomize
