happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
