I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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