just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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