im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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