Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
