my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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