i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
