Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
