id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
