I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
