you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
