All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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