if i can run in heels then i can drive
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
