Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
