And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
