I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
