I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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