Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can text with my tongue
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
