i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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