I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
