I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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