Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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