I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
