So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
