So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
