I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We're too hungover to prance.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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