Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
