On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
