are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
