I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
