Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
