So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
