We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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