I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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