Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
