hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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