I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
