i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
