im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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