talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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