Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
