This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
