Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
