Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
