i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
